Emotional State and Internal Locus of Control – Episode 19

Emotional State
* Examples: approaching women at the bar, getting up to speak in public, getting ready to make a big business deal, performing in public
* Some call this getting “pumped up” but this is a fake, temporary elevated state. It’s not sustainable because it is not grounded.
* Change your physiology. Stand upright, head up, shoulders back. Make eye contact. Take up space. Walk in like your are the boss.
* With competence comes confidence. If you are good at something, you feel confident. This can be a spiral where the additional confidence helps with your competence, in the sense that you don’t crack under pressure – rather you stay in the zone and crush it.
* The Zone – lacking skill leads to stress, lacking challenge leads to boredom. The zone is where challenge matches skill.
* The opposite is being psyched out, or losing the mind games.
* Anchoring can be used to get in state. Anchoring is an NLP technique where you associate an idea or thing with a feeling. For example look how your stomach turns when you seen an ex you had a bad breakup with, or when you remember winning a tournament or competition and you received the award, you felt like the king of the world.
* Everyone’s anchor will be different, you will need to develop your own.
* Some have a “lucky shirt” or when they dress up they feel like “the man” and gain confidence through fashion.
* You have to work on your anchor, develop it over time. But once you get it, this is a well grounded and sustainable tool.
* Enjoy what you do. When joking with friends you feel awesome. Use that feeling when it’s “go time”.
* Practicing some routines or stories will help, since you practice them they go well. Like a rehearsed speech. Just make it sound natural.
* Don’t solely rely on rehearsed material. Use it when stuck, then transition to natural flow.
* Improv comedy classes will make you better at everything. Take classes now and indefinitely.
* Don’t “mind read”. This is another NLP concept where you think you know what the other person is thinking.
* Assume the positive all the time. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
* For example if you hear someone mumble under their breath, assume it was positive and not derogatory or about you.
* Often we are our own worse critic hence worst enemy. Don’t beat yourself up, too many others are more than happy to do that for you.

Internal Locus of Control
* Avoid losing your temper. Road rage is an example. Instead own the space between the stimulus and the response.
* Anyone can do anything to you, but you will always own the right how to respond.
* An amygdala hijacking is when you lose your temper. Always stay in control of your emotions.
* Always know that you are responsible for your actions. Nobody controls you. You choose the job and the relationship.
* Taking responsibility is empowering because it puts you in control. You can determine the outcome and thus your destiny.
* There is no fate. Yes unexpected things can happen to you, but you can control how you react. Your destiny is not predetermined.
* When you take responsibility you also become empowered because if you control your fate, you can fix it.
* Also have the wisdom to know what is within your control (circle of influence) and what is not.
* Have the courage to change the things you can, the serenity to deal with the things you can’t change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
* Signs you are not taking responsibility for your actions, place blame on others: Look what you made me do.
* Why do I always have so much bad luck?
* Take others opinions as suggestions only, you have the final say. Choose your counsel wisely.
* Imagine your mind is a house with many doors. Are the doorknobs on the inside or the outside?
* Internal locus of control breeds hope and makes you the master of your destiny.
* Place your locus of control externally and there is more depression and anxiety, loss of hope.